Me & The Little White Truck

Thursday afternoon, I was driving my sister to work. I wasn’t in the best of moods mainly because I was busy worrying about money and my empty gas tank. I was drifting away in thought while my body was on autopilot. Consumed with devising a plan to keep moving forward through my monetary circumstances I was barely able to interact with my sister and daughter.

i was sitting at the light deep in thought with my head resting on my propped hand when the light turned green. As I lifted my foot from the brake my thoughts were emptied by a loud long “HONKKK!” from the little white truck behind me. This ticked me off. I was thinking about yelling a few obscenities out of my window but I was conflicted by the idea that if I did I would only be making myself look bad, so I didn’t. I pulled into the parking lot close to the front door to let my sister out. While she was getting out of the car, I noticed the little white truck in my rearview. It was a couple that looked as if they were in their late 40s. The man was getting out of the driver’s seat. While my sister was kissing us goodbye a plan was brewing in my mind. “Don’t say anything to him, Nakia. Just-Let-It-Go!” I told myself.

As the couple approached the door, my mouth popped open and out came the messy conversation that I should have avoided.

"Hush" vine charcoal 11 x 14"

                “Excuse me sir” I voiced as the man and his wife were walking into the building. “Was there something you wanted to say to me? Did you think you knew me, because you were blowing your horn at me just a few seconds ago.”

I sat there looking at the man as if I could have literally slapped the ball cap off of his head and stomped on it for good measure. He looked at me with borrowed eyes of satan and yelled, “Shut the F@*k up you black B!*%h, F*@k you!!”

That made me even angrier simply because I didn’t want to say any curse words to him. So, instead of cursing back and lowering myself to behaving like as racist pig as he had, I just behaved like a regular pig and cut him low and deep with my words.

I spoke harshly, “Oh ok, so you don’t know me. The problem is that you’re missing your common sense just like you’re missing all your front teeth!” With that, I drove off. I was driving away thinking to myself: “whelp, I guess I just failed that test.” I know I could have just driven off without saying anything to that man, but I didn’t. Maybe he was just as deep in thought as I was when our lives collided. I just get so sick and tired of people acting in such rude and selfish ways without the worry of consequences. I could have handled that one differently. Maybe next time.

Who Lost?

Ok readers, can I be completely real for second? Since I am a persistent blogger for Project Live Happy, I feel like such a hypocrite about so many things; which is what has led me to write about My Life As A Hypocrite.

Today in Zumba class I was heavy in thought. I couldn’t help but think about how I would have preferred to be at home, on the couch, with my warm quilt, some spike hot tea, and a good movie. I didn’t feel like being around anybody because I was so ANGRY! I was feeling “some kinda way” about how I have been underappreciated all day long! I wanted to literally scream. So, instead of screaming, instead of speaking to the people who left me feeling unappreciated, I just tried my hardest to fade out during Zumba. I tried to imagine that no one else was around, but that didn’t work at all. I tried to think happy thoughts, but that wasn’t working either. It wasn’t until I looked at the person who had hurt me laughing and enjoying her workout that I realized: “I’m just sipping arsenic from a self made cocktail while the world keeps on turning.”

As I stood there barely wiggling my body and doing just enough to say I worked out I was left to answer the question: “Who really ended up losing?” I could have got a great workout in and enjoyed the company of other women trying to reach a common health goal, but instead I chose to pout and miss out on an easy blessing. Ultimately, it was I who ended up losing. Winners aren’t easily shaken. Losers are. Winners know that they have a goal to reach. Losers are easily sidetracked. I’m not usually a loser, but tonight I was. I have to face the mirror and be honest with me, so the next time I’m faced with a challenge, I won’t allow my anger to cost me the big win.

 Isn’t it funny how we know what it takes to win, but we forget in the heat of an emotion. How many times must we tell ourselves the same truth, read the same scriptures, hear the same sermons, learn the same lessons before we decide to discipline our actions enough to act like we know. Guess that’s where the old saying “talk is cheap” comes in and fits like a tailor made glove.